Mental Health Awareness Time to Talk Day
Today is mental health awareness ‘time to talk’ day. As a sufferer of mental health issues myself, I know what a stigma there can be. I would love to see this change and I hope that this posts helps in some way. My mental health issues go back about 9 years. I had some health complications after my pregnancy with my daughter (now 9), was very poorly and under a consultant for a while. Finally, when she was around 8 months old I had an op to try and sort those issues. Little did I know what was soon to come.
I will not be posting on here about the exact situation which occurred, but I went through a very traumatic time for about 3-4 years. I developed anxiety and PTSD. I was lucky enough to be working with an amazing Psycho-Therapist and things got much better for me. Beforehand though, I really hit rock bottom. One of the hardest factors of having a mental illness is feeling so isolated. It can also have a knock on effect on other areas of your life such as friendships, relationships, finances and in my case it certainly affected all these areas. Years later I am still fighting back from it all.
In July 2012 I had non identical twin boys. I live in Manchester, miles away from any family and I overdid it. 1 baby is hard, 2 is amazing but just so tiring. When the boys were about 13 months old I was heading for nervous exhaustion. The traumatic situation has been triggered again and I went very downhill. Thankfully I have an excellent doctor and with his and my Psycho Therapist’s help I worked through all the issues. I later started seeing a Clinical Psychologist and am now part way through my treatment.
The hardest thing about having anxiety is that, at times, you can feel like things are never going to change. I don’t have much confidence at all, find it hard to interact with new people and am plagued at times with unwanted thoughts. I also have IBS and a skin pigmentation issue which lower my confidence too. Thankfully, because I am getting help I have the tools to deal with all this, but it is very much about getting through from day to day. Some days I feel like I can beat it, others I just want to crumble. Having my daughter… and later my boys…. to focus on has been a massive help. My children melt my heart on a daily basis and light up my whole world.
Another thing I wanted to mention is my working life. I am fortunate that I run my own business. I do often wonder how I would get on in a more traditional role working for someone else. I am really proud that, even on the hardest days, I have worked to build a business that will hopefully support my children through their future.
Having a mental illness has really taken it’s toll on relationships and friendships in my life. Whilst I am much better with this these days, having anxiety can make you want to avoid stressful situations. For example, if my IBS is playing up I don’t want to get the bus and go out and about. These days I have taken the stance to be open and honest about my illness with the people in my life and whether they stick around is up to them.
I have realised some very important things too. Having a mental illness does not make me a bad person or a bad mother. I am, and always have, addressing the issues in my life and dealing with them. What I would like to see is better understanding of mental illness and the stigma disappear as it really is such a hard and isolating thing to go through.